Thursday, 23 August 2012
Hey, Friday Child! Everyone knows you gotta respect a momma because they is the women who have inspired and become the world’s craziest killers in horror –Mrs Voorhees (Friday the 13th), ‘Mother’ Psycho, the Evil Grandmother from Red Dragon, Beverly (Serial Mom), and Margaret White (Carrie) – you are just the greatest! That is the reason why I cannot bumpin wait to see Julianne Moore get into a nightgown and teach me a Christian lesson or two, a-men! So, what I wanna know is. Who’s YOUR favourite Carrie White?
Seeing as Carrie is like a teenage Matilda to me, (but following the ‘genius years’; soon after her mother made her go Aryan blonde) I’d have to go with… Sissy? No no no, okay Raja!… Angela Bettis or Chloe Grace Moretz? I’m still not sure, so spill the pig swill, girrrrl, on what you think (and NOT onna my heed)! I always think that Lynne Ramsay would direct this plot particularly well as she knows how to handle a troublesome teen. However, the original is still good enough for me – I screamed, cried AND got dizzy at the prom! Of course it’s the scariest of the week – dur.
Out of the Dark is - mmm – this and that. Bobo has to be the first 80’s killer who you’re more suspicious of why they insist on changing into converse every-time they kill rather than why they're wearing a clowny clown clown mask – that’s not a look; that’s a wimpy Halloween costume that no s-lut I know is going to be wearing this year!!! Wah wah. All the men are legit crazy and of course the only attractive she-male in Out of the Dark is Divine… Of course, well, this killer who turns out to be clichéd and overly confused (hello? No-one’s called Joanne anymore) is atleast organised: filing nipples under N in an office cabinet is the most stylish way to bring orderly neurosis to justice these days.
Dayum, Girl! Zombie Prom is a lot of things but a horror film? It ain’t. It’s Grease – but more like Grease 2… if you get what I mean. And like most films it could be so much better without that distracting ‘George of the Jungle’ narration blah blah. I agree, that the horror in this film is (beyond obvious) implicit – the premature loss of love, scary bombs and being part of a feared minority are all present – however all of these ‘fears’ bare no real threat in a fully conclusive 36 minute film. It’s short-lived but breathing is so over-rated anyway. RuPaul is perfect for the role of Mz Strict in every aspect of her performance – not even a Tranny Chaser could keep up with that diva.
I'm afraid i'm feeling a little frail in my mothering old age so that's it for tonight - anyone else thinking of going as Sharon Needles for Halloween this year? So Shriek!