DON'T TELL THE DAILY MAIL!

so you might have heard: you have have aquired some knowledge about me - you might have been stalking me a bit TOO much now to know that i'm going as katylicious perry for hallow's eve this year. i can confirm that the gossip is correct!!!!

but onto the serious stuff...

do you look/would like to look like this for a night? do you have hair taller than a chimney pot and a talent in offending others? are you a cockney geeza? can you dance like a spindley legged snake and take every oppertunity to get nakers for some dumb protest?



If you answered "YESSSSS!!!" to any of the above (or to none, no one will know) then you should come as my hot rasputic date to the biggest party of the year!!! woohoo!

Place Space

Good evening! Today in Dundee it has been cold and these blisterin winds have been blowing me about a bit. That's all I can think of right now, the real reason I came to the library today was to watch videos of Adam Green...


what a man. wanna talk about boyz with me? wanna play dream phone? i'm bored! come over and we can play scrabble together! want to snoop through my clothes and wrestle? sure! i've got harry potter top trumps and a washing line in my bathroom! ... ? ? ? so i'll c u in 5 mins.

this T-Rex scares the livin bejeeus outta me

hello! remember me? yeah, hi!

let me tell you, i hate quizzes. they are dumb, you know the ones when you just do them and find out who you are, or what you are, or which dinosaur you could be (btw i am a t-rex in my next life: so scary! like THE RIDE), or which saw trap is going to kill you in the future, or which world famous wwf wrestler you share skills with. okay, i DO love them. i changed my mind, about 10 seconds after i started writing what you (and yours truly) just read. mmm hmm. so i love quizzes. motion passed!



A A A A A A A A !!!! DONT EAT ME!

now, what else? oooooh yes. i recently applied to be considered as a professional blogger for my high-school/ that is well not happening. dunno what else there is to tell you except this year i am dressing as katy perry for halloween (officially bagsied here first!), i'm gonna look so friggin sweet that you're gonna need your novorapid times'd by ten! woohoo. now i just need a back-combed mophead trailing behind me on pointy-toed wheels...

man-o-man

last night i learnt that my recent love/hate interest's reason for being such a big old jerk is that really he had a rare skin disease that stopped us from getting too close. afterwards i also found out that he shared his room with seven lowely orphans and an angry pops. naturally, this made me forgive everything before now BUT IT WAS JUST A DREAM. oh no no no. so lame! (argh but i will still believe it to be true)



oh no no no no no no no

fresher pressure

well i suppose i am a fresher now (ew don't call me that!) and in my first few days i've seen calvin from holy oaks and learned how to use the library. i guess i should look for a job to employ my time: bo-ring. i think i will write up a list of my ACTUAL skills on here for you (like singstar and nail painting) because that is so much more fun/dignifying than a dumb cv that makes me feel a little desperate! e e e e e! el desperado ( ha ha ha NO!)

yowz! this week i have rediscovered the ponytail.

me and my ipod know eachother so well now that even when i put it on shuffle it will just read my mind (or is it the other way round?).

sorry i'm not that talkative today, it's just not that much happened today. so boring. blurrrrrrgh and i got told off for eatin a drumstick

The Good Man Justin

i just thought i'd update you, inlight of yesterday's staklist and all... I followed my plans for today pefectly and cats and dogs was sooooooooo wicked i want to watch it again already!!!! I even had time to finish my book (The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ) I liked it a lot but I was kind of disappointed when confronted by the unflattering portrait of Pullman on the sleeve of the book - i dumbly imagined a scamperish young anti-christ to be behind all the controversy... but nevermind...

if you are still bothering to read this then i will tell you something else: i don't want to go to sleep because my little sister (who sleeps on the top bunk!), everynight, when the clock strikes twelve she suddenly starts to cough like mental and it is driving me cerrrr-azzzzzy. it's driving me over the edge! it's like freddy krueger in reverse (do i have OCD???) she just coughs and coughs and coughs until it sounds like she's about to puke chunks. last night i had to sleep with my ipod on ALL night and i kept waking up to justin hawkins screaming about all sorts of stuff. well anyway, i don't think i can do it again tonight so i'm sleeping on the settee.

Salivia Pa Dumbo

i hate this cretinous world\! it gets on my nerves more than olivia palermo and even MORE than yolanda be cool. YES I SAID IT!!! nothing could be more grating on my already frail heart. want the official stalker's guide to my day tomorrow?:

first of all: wake up and do a big yawn like this hurrrrrr harrrrrrrrr! yawwwwwn.
next of all: at 3:30pm go see cats & dogs: the revenge of kitty galore 3D alone! (DON'T even think about sitting next to me (or even stalking from afar) if you're gonna be breathing all heavy like that and chewing stuff)
then: stop to buy some tom-A-to soup from the shop
come home and see what's on on my favourite channel: E!
make tha soup whilst reminiscing about all those good old soup times and bid goodnight and maybe yawn again. yawwwwwwn ha hurrr heeeeee.

R.I.P Land Before Time!

i am so crazy addicted to soup at the minute nom nom nom that it is all i'm interested in.

i have been re-reading 'Crackpot: The Obsessions of John Waters' and it is one of my favourite books ever. John is so wise and gives the best advice. we also have lots in common like we both: hate audrey hepburn and Mr T, prefer to live completely alone and are already obsessing about christmas by June.

and so the first thing that I am adding to my christmas wish list this year is John Water's new book called 'Role Models.' I not only want the book but the AUDIO CD too! narrated by my favourite pope. so please please please per-leaaaaaaz santa, if you're reading this blog - (subscibe and then) answer my prayers!

the computer is still brook, but now there's more... my video player is BROOK up more than my old granny's back A A A A !! it just chewed up 'Land Before Time' and spat it out. I just feel like nothing has developed since i started this dumb blog as i repeat: i hate technology!!! all i want to do is listen to 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' (NOT watch the film though and moon river just makes me want to D.I.E ) but is it worth buying the album by Deep Blue Something? just for one song (albeit one catchy, amazing song? if you have the album would you recommend it?

i THINK that i've filled you in with everything there is to know atm. but if there is anything more pressing than my christmas list (which i doubt), i'll let you know!

The Devil's Back-Comb

i went to see splice and surprise mother frickin surrprise. it wasn't on.

i should have known that the day i wear my hair in pigtails this would happen - what possessed me to do that? everyone knows pigtails are the worst omen EVER... wednesday addams, rhoda from the bad seed and now yours truly have hair styles that have been teased and tangled by satan himself.

i bought the hottie and the nottie in my state of disappointment because only paris can make me feel better right now (and stop me from biting the head off every jelly baby under my power grrrrrr!)

So True! So False!

apparently, my moodiness could be my success. i was just reading marie claire and saw this article: 'Russia's new bitch schools: Where Moscow's millionaire hunters learn how to turn from man-pleasers to man-teasers'. and what an article (what a title!) it is... and itsa gonna be eaa-sy! because the first rule is "always look unhappy" - so if things don't work out i could become head girl/bitch at this russian academy of gold diggers. i'll let you know how it goes - huffing and scowling all day behind the icecreams at work could go either way.

today was okay. i went into town and bought my favourite sandwich (beef and stilton special) and some videos. because i know i keep talking about reviewing a list of the worst films ever (shallow hal is also now on the list btw) but i guess i really haven't seen that many films to hate - and i like rubbish films too like i know who killed me and flesh gordon (lolz!). and i am pretty forgiving of most things too(which will soon change i guess as i become a manipulating skag known as vladlena). for example - my freshers week at university have invited scooch to pay tribute to glee. scooch! and glee! so terrible, i know, but YAY! at the same time. it's going to be better than the time big brovas came to school.

i really want to see splice tomorrow!

omg SHE DIDUNT JUST DELETE THONJ!!

let me tell you, today i could nae be more mizerabul. suddenly i feel like an only child just sitting around while my mum and dad eat mcdonalds and i eat the mankiest sandwich next to our old fish - so old that its scales have grown OVER ITS EYES and blinded it (vom vom vom). and i was less pleased that someone deleted perhaps the most drama filled episode of the house wives of new jersey off the telly.

i'm a real moaner at the minute so it might be time to change the name of my blog to 'your new frenemy.' i have been waiting impatiently for some cd's that i bought to arrive which include She & Him, Pixies and The Drums because did i tell you? the computer broke (including itunes). tomorrow i get my exam results too (blurgh). all at once i am developing a deadening of spirit, a numbing frustration and a sense of hopelessness! so my indepth analysis of why i hate titanic will have to wait till tomorrow - or i might die of grumpiness!!!

if you don't know me by now! (you will never ever ever know me... oooooh)

it has been about 365.25 days since the 'disaster.' so after watching 'good hair' today it is still probably too soon to be thinking about getting a $1000 weave! ouch! the lord above only knows how badly i want an Aslan-like mane. buttttt also... there are afew things getting on my nerves at the minute:

1. titanic (the most annoying thing EVER, and the first film i can think of that i actually HATE) 2. getting told off for eating cheese 3. the hundreds of england flags put up in our house 4. the most ugliest pike scuplture that i wake up to every morning 5. when people put their shoes on top of mine on the shoe rack 6. my little sister's friend comes to the house on my only 'goth day' in the week 7. pre-university talk 8. i have started to air drum AND guitar (AND on the bus) 9. when you get rejected and then to hide the pain your facebook activity goes through the roof! (i hate facebook! amen)

that's just afew things that immediately come to mind. however, there are afew things that i've learned to like and love since 365.25 days ago:

1. mayonaise 2. water! 3. CDs 4. pretending to be a bad cop 5. grease (the movie)! 6. can't think of anymore right now (g2g)

103 damnations!

guesssss what. my blog now has over 100 views! wee hee! Keep watching this space for these exciting essays/features to come:

- Place Space: Florence Special Edition (seeing as you and I are friends now)
- the HYPOchondriac: 101 impossible hallucinations of a diabetic
- and an early christmas excitement thing (a countdown to christmas featuring an online catalogue of my christmas list and much much much much more for all you exclusive christmas junkies)

!!!!

Blue Mooner

for those of you who are squeamish, please look away NOW.


for the rest of you - too late suckers hahaha. the butt to your left happens to be my big sis (o the inhumanity!) and as my mum and dad await for this family treasure to come home, i am hating every second that passes as it means that soon this mooner is going to be living in close proximity to me. and i'm not joking!!! if this was the godfather, this prankster would have been shot by now.

i've had a think, and decided that i'm not made up to be the make-up/style icon i envisaged. this is proved by today when the only way to tame my hair was to use a tonne of frizz ease and i still look like a mannish hermione granger - i don't even have video editing equipment sooo there is no point in considering a little trickery (smoke and mirrors could however flatter a freak-show based film?). like, there is still no theme, no direction to my blog... and it is guaranteed that EVERYTHING has already been discussed on the internet - EVERYTHING! typing my name into google used to only come up two hits (google wack!). that little fact of fame i'm sure has fizzled out now.

i checked and now there are 6,100 results. ain't that so cerazy??!!

housewives of garden city?

been doing sweet FA for the past few days - boring! well i have been doing STUFF but it really doesn't count for anything e.g:

1) measured my hair growth obsessively 2) watched the finale of glee and was weirded out that no one else i know wanted to cry 3) tidied videos into alphabetical order (the worst idea ever after i realised films can't really be grouped together by name. well i can't find any link between geek maggot bingo and get carter anyway)

when studying part 1), people who post video reviews on beauty products become real style guru's on their street - tellin it how it is! i wish i had a webcam just so that i could blog my real-life daily beauty tips on here!!!! i could be the next snooki, or something like that.

don't think i'm brave enough to take on snooks at the minute though.

Still looking for something to exorcise my technological demons. Should I learn to play an instrument? This is what i've been thinking about ever since I watched Michael Cuesta's '12 and Holding' last night.

Brave New World

sooo today i got a new phone. so far i've just made this video but it's a bit dark. when i went up to tesco's to get it i had to tell the woman at the desk that it was my first proper phone so she had to set it all up for me - and i felt like the biggest anti-/nerd ever! (but not as dumb as the guy next to me who's credit card for a NOKIA kept on getting denied! lol) in the past two days good ol' technology seems to have taken over my life so i feel that i must quickly find something to equal it all out again...

I guess this is my first blog and I feel abit stupid just writing this (not much to write about atm anyways)! But hopefully I'll get into it soon: EVERYONE I know has a blog now... except me... so here this is - giving into blog pressure!!!