Friday, 24 June 2011
Welcome back! Five horrors a week is good for you, no? so I suppose it IS Friday once again so let's venture into some spookified scenes...
Week #2: The Gestapo's Last Orgy, Day of the Woman, My Little Eye, The Lovely Bones and Brain Dead. (And Un Chien Andalou)
The Gestapo's Last Orgy was sort of like Salo, but with Nazis. But with a soft spot... I know! Lise is just as torturous as she plans her escape! She chews up that doctor then spits him out like beef jerky. She is so deadly serious like a femme fetale who has no choice but to be a meaaan meaaan mother! I liked it.
Day of the woman was the original of I spit on your grave (member from last week?). They are two completely different films apart from the protagonists are both vengeful, manipulative and beautiful kick-asssss women! woo hoo! you go girls! Day of the woman was less believable though... Miss Hills is so sweet to her victims, the men are so so so so so dumb, they don't even have to be tricked into being killed! And in this original version, Jennifer gets to enjoy the luxury of her own home whilst she makes some eeeeevil plans. Although this version was much faster than I spit on your grave, I thought the remake was scarier.
My Little Eye was really scary although I had no idea what was going on half the time, especially at the end of the film! This is exactly how all those series of Big Brother should have ended... with the contestants finding out that actually no one has been watching them (no one cares - durrr!) and then being picked off one by one for random reasons. And just like Big Brother, most of the characters are so annoying that you're glad when they finally get shut up!!! Especially blondie, what's her name again? I forget. Gurrrd riddance.
Let's discuss The Lovely Bones and Brain Dead, shaaaall we? The Lovely bones lacked everything that made Brain Dead awwwwesome, despite both being directed by Peter Jackson. Lovely Bones had that girl narrating with that dreary, limp voice throughout the whole film which just drove me insane. The females in this film, after watching women with so much power e.g. in I spit on your grave, just made it soooo not intense at all. And why did that girl who could see the dead not try and stop George from pushing the stupid safe into the ground? It was more fantasy than horror because of all that girliness. Now, the serial killer WAS scary. And the dad had eyes to fear! But it would have been so much better if Lynne Ramsay would have directed it, she's a woman who isn't a big sissy like Jackson is.
Brain Dead was so gorey and bloody and cool. One day I hope I can take care of my old mam with the same amount of dedication and love. Who cares if Brain Dead is old? That nasty old rat/monkey from skull island gave me nightmares and hiding behind Bryon seems to be becoming 'the scare test.' And I did quite afew times! Just wondering, have you seen Film Geek yet? Scotty Pelk's favourite Peter Jackson film is Brain Dead (or Dead Alive in the States!)!!! I also like the Spanish Title: Your mother ate my dog! LOLza!
Now these blogs are getting so long, they are just silly ramblings so my plans for 5 a day might/might not go ahead. It might give me good healthy facial features from all this screaming! A A A A A ! Un Chien Andalou is not typically seen as a horror but I thought I'd mention it as the opening is one of the scariest things i've ever seen, EVER! 16 minutes of this film in black and white is waaaay more exciting, funny, scary, enduring and impressive than anything within the whole 2 hours 15 minutes of The Lovely Bones (yes, I sat through ALL of it, and it should have been shorter). Brain Dead was the best of the week!
Thursday, 16 June 2011
Hi! It's me again, I've been doing the creep all frickin week (just following the pope's orders) and what else? Being Cee-lo-obsezzered... is that bad? I don't know anymore! Now it's the holidays I made a long list of films that I haven't had time to watch, and now the time has come! HOWEVER, I already got side-tracked, again. Girrrl, didn't you hear the human centipede 2 got banned from England? So I guess it's only very very normal to trawl through the many films that have been banned in the past (and some that still are). Might aswell juss goss about scary films if it's alright with you. I thought I'd make it into a short weekly thingy. Being bezzers I trust your opinion but that doesn't change that i am always right. So let's get started!
Week 1#: Saw 3D, Paranormal Activity 2, I spit on Your Grave, Nekromantik and A Serbian Film. (And half of Grotesque, but that was the most boringest piece of shizz everrrrr so it gets skipped)
Saw 3D was reaaaally good and scary. I'm so glad Doctor Gordon came back, and shiesh, he looks even better without a limb. Phew! Although they've used the reverse bear trap too many times now and Jill is in it more than Jigsaw, i'm still a sucker for Saw!
Paranormal Activity 2 was plain annoying. The mum and dad were both mega jerks and i hated them from the start: they were racist to the maid, mad about the jacuzzi being too hot and wanted to film every second of their life (just like my dad)! borrr-ing! i only felt bad when the dog died. And I wasn't even sure if the reason I felt bad was just because it reminded me of when poor Gangu died in Audition.
I spit on your grave was one of the best films I watched this week but probably for the second bit. That girl was feaaaaarlesssss with a pair of garden shears. it was creepy and gory and most the time i was hiding behind Byron. but i'd probably only watch it alone because it was kind of not very nice to the ladies.
Nekromantik was a funny film! it was all old looking (like you!) so everything looked like plastic or a prop from the science classrooms at school. It WAS weird when they put that pole on the skeleton and well, you know the rest, but it probably isn't something that you'd think should have been banned...
A serbian film was the opposite of I spit on your grave as i prefer part I. The second half was full of really really disgusting stuff that made me wanna puke! it was TOO much, and i'm glad this ended week 1, so I can forget about it! It's like, half porn film/half effed up extreme film. Blurgh!
Saw 3D was obvs my favourite. It's about time we had a saw party, eh web-roomie? You can be lil puppet jigsaw coz i can't ride a bike, let alone that teeny unicycle thing... and sure, you can use the bathroom BUT YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE! Tomorrow I'll post a list of my favourite Saw Quotes too. (i forget what hoffman was gawping at here but he sure looks intense!)